


Oh My Darling, How I Miss You

by aegicheezu



Category: Gackt (Musician) RPF, GacktJOB, Jrock, Malice Mizer
Genre: Analysis, Jrock RPF, M/M, Meta, Originally Posted on Tumblr, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 01:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14094321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: A semi-in-depth analysis of Gackt's most recent album, Last Moon, and how each song relates to his mourning of Kami, giving evidence to their relationship. Originally posted on Tumblr.





	Oh My Darling, How I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> links to the English translations of the songs are included, and were not done by me.

His most recent album,  ** _Last Moon_** , is comprised of 13 songs, the lyrics of which I will analyze here. 

In general, the album goes through several emotions; grief at Kami's death, regret and anger that he could not prevent it nor be there for him when Kami needed him; wrestling with his own depression at being left alone to live a full life without the one he loves, and a desperation to be forgiven for his perceived sins. Through Gackt's use of archaic and poetic Japanese vocabulary, he paints a sorrowful picture of the life he feels that he leads now, walking the world alone without Kami by his side. For fans of his, the album was no doubt a heartbreaking examination of his innermost feelings. It's hard to listen to these songs and not be able to read into them. 

1. [Arrow](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F310169%2Flast-moon%2Farrow%2F&t=YjlhZjNmM2MxZGNkYTk3NDk0ZjY0MjcwM2MxYmVlMDk0YzkyMmU4ZCxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_Holding our dreams_  
_I pulled your disintegrating body close_  
_May my prayer reach you_  
_Rest in peace_  
_It ends like this_  
_without even being able to say goodbye_  
_So at least, if we are to be reborn_  
_I want to meet you again like on that day_

Analysis: Gackt did not hear of Kami’s death until a week after it happened; he was never able to say goodbye. In this song he is directly speaking to Kami and expressing regret for not being there when he died (he was on tour). 

2. [Hana Mo Chiyu](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315101%2Flast-moon%2Fhana-mo-chiyu-%25E8%258A%25B1%25E3%2582%2582%25E6%2595%25A3%25E3%2582%2586%2F%3Fcookie%3Dclose&t=YTYyN2E1MTU2OGUxN2U1ZDA3NzQ2NjNjMDRkMTVlODhiZjhlYjg0NCxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1) 

_Unending dream_  
_If you are here there is nothing that compares to the night flowers_  
_Each time the season when you disappeared comes around_  
_Ah, the moment burns my heart_

Analysis: the song talks about petals falling in a hurry and his expressing sadness that he cannot stop them, alluding to his own depression. 

3. [Returner -Yami no Shuen-](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315102%2Flast-moon%2Freturner-yami-no-shuen-returner-%25EF%25BD%259E%25E9%2597%2587%25E3%2581%25AE%25E7%25B5%2582%25E7%2584%2589%25EF%25BD%259E%2F&t=NzM0YzM3YjgzZmYzMzBhNGNiMDM2ODhkOTY2NGJjN2JkZDFkYzYyYixqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_To the point of breaking,_  
_Hold me tightly._  
_The dream, from which I’ve been waking up, is vanishing,_  
_Your arms and beloved voice is slipping away._  
_Because I will meet with you again,_  
_Because I made a promise,_  
_With love that would overflow,_  
_Cover me gently –_  
_Let me have eternal sleep._  
_I can’t see you …_

Analysis: here, he writes about trying to chase after the spirit of a loved one but not being able to catch up; and wondering if he can only be reunited (returned) in death. 

4. [Ride or Die](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315103%2Flast-moon%2Fride-or-die%2F&t=NWM0MTg0MmZkNmE5YzM0ZGE3NWY0NGE4MjY4ZWZlMzIzNzk3M2JlNyxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_A trembling voice echoed_  
_“I don’t want to vanish like this…”_  
_If even those words of prayer_  
_won’t reach anyone now_  
_then, so I don’t forget you_  
_I’ll wipe away even the_  
_tear stains on your cheeks_  
_So don’t be afraid_  
_because we’ll all be dust someday_

Analysis: admittedly this one is harder to pin down as a direct conversation with Kami, but one could argue that his direct “taunting” of death to come for him is a clear challenge, designed to reunite him with Kami in heaven.

5.  [Akatsuki Tsukiyo -Day Breakers- ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315104%2Flast-moon%2Fakatsuki-tsukiyo-day-breakers-%25E6%259A%2581%25E6%259C%2588%25E5%25A4%259C-day-breakers%2F&t=ZWZkZTdiZTJkMWNjNmU5YjY0NGYzNDdjOGIzZjE3MDhlMzIwZDQwOSxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_The dazzling daybreak that comes and goes_  
_Although it’s so lonely that I want to turn away_  
_Even when the rain of sighs begin_  
_Because it will hide my tears_  
_I raise my scarred and wounded hands_  
_Until the day when the dream-like days draw on_  
_The stars sway in the wind_  
_Until the time when we can meet once again_  
_with a smile_

Analysis: in this song, Gackt is directly addressing a corpse, the most direct allusion he has made to a dead lover. Usually he speaks of an angel or a spirit, but here he used the word for corpse (shikabane), which is the more morbid term. 

6. [Kugutsu ga Gotoku](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Fvideos%2F59246%2Fkugutsu-ga-gotoku-%25E5%2582%2580%25E5%2584%25A1%25E3%2581%258C%25E5%25A6%2582%25E3%2581%258F%2F&t=MzVjMzk1ODIxYTcyMDRkNmRjNTczZjlkN2VjMzdlNmFjYThkMTVjYyxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_Pity- if I feel pity_  
_and pray with my mutilated body_  
_someday I will go to you_  
_As if to atone for the sins I’ve repeated_  
_My mind and body are stolen_  
_by the voice that keeps on echoing in my head_  
_Ah, forgive me_  
_Like a marionette_

Analysis: again, Gackt is making direct allusions to his feelings about Kami’s passing. For a long time, he spoke openly about the idea that missing his funeral and not knowing about his death was a “sin” and whenever he visits his grave (frequently, as we know from multiple talkshows). 

7. [Zan](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315105%2Flast-moon%2F%25E6%2596%25AC-%25EF%25BD%259Ezan%25EF%25BD%259E%2F&t=NDhlNDgxN2Y3OWQ4MzVjNDYyYjAzMjMyZGQ3M2NiNDkwNjY0OTdiYyxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_Even the warmth I touched with my fingertips_  
_now just vanishes into reminiscence_  
_Sleepless nights come to call_  
_afraid of the dawn that is a mistake_  
_Even now, you are the only one_  
_I don’t want to give parting words to_  
_At the end of hell_  
_Searching for a place to die_

Analysis: Gackt compares the beauty of red flowers to the pain that men go through in life, again making allusions to the pain he has endured after he lost his lover. Walking through hell or battling his sins is a constant theme. 

8. [One More Kiss](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315107%2Flast-moon%2Fone-more-kiss%2F&t=ZmZlNTY3ZjI4NDE0ZmI2YWY4ZWE3Mjc3NzRmMWEyODI2ZmVkMjY0MixqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_ONE MORE KISS_  
_At your sigh, I’ll just_  
_Exchange a kiss with you once more_  
_On those lips of yours as you hesitate_  
_There’s no need for doubts_  
_Show me your smile_  
_NO MORE PAIN_  
_I won’t let anyone get between us_  
_I’ll steal you away_  
_No matter how fiercely the rain keeps pouring_  
_I won’t let you go again_  
_Until your tears vanish_  
_Until your pain vanishes_

Analysis: here, Gackt sings about taking the pain away from someone who has left him, that he loved very much and loves still. He wishes to be able to kiss them one last time, and to never let them go. Kami died of a brain hemorrhage and suffered headaches. 

9. [Wooha Baby](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315108%2Flast-moon%2Fwooha-baby-%25E8%2588%259E%25E5%2593%2588baby-wooha%2F&t=OGQ4YmRlYTlhZWRjZjQwNGYzM2FmZWU5NmQ5NTE3MWEzNmNjMGMwZixqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_Face up, running fingernails along_  
_All night, every night_  
_You’re like a drug that I’m addicted to!_  
_HEY BABY IT’S SHOWTIME!_  
_Cause over-thinking it is bad for you!_  
_“Ah, I’m so annoyed… I’m gonna retire”_  
_You’re not that old yet!_

Analysis: well, this is just a good old fashioned song about fucking rock stars and teasing them about their age. Reminds me of his breakout hit, [ **Vanilla**](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lyricsmode.com%2Flyrics%2Fg%2Fgackt%2Fvanilla_english_version.html&t=OWNjMzljYTQ5YjMzZWQ5Mjc5MDM3Yzg1YTVjMmYwZDBmNzIzODE0ZixqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1), back in the day. A nice break in the album from all that sadness. It's worth noting, I think, that in one of the only two (the other comes next) songs that are explicitly sexual, Gackt sings about fairly reckless behaviour which could be seen as sexually "acting out" in order to keep up an image (he was/is still known as the "Sex God of Japan," so there's that). 

10. [Koi no Friday ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315109%2Flast-moon%2Fkoi-no-friday-%25E6%2581%258B%25E3%2581%25AEfriday%2F&t=MzBiMzJmZDQ2ODlmMTJiMmQ3YjNkMzFjMTVmMDY2ODgyOTI0ODMzZCxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_I met you, and this pounding in my heart…_  
_It was an unexpected day_  
_There’s no way in hell_  
_that I could actually be serious!_  
_I’m obviously obsessed with you, maybe…_

Analysis: again, this is a more lighthearted love song (at last!) about the few days it takes to fall in love. Here he used feminine pronouns to describe the object of his affection, but calls her old fashioned and a bad dancer; not exactly positive things.

11. [Kimi Dake no Boku de Iru Kara -I Belong to You-](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315110%2Flast-moon%2Fkimi-dake-no-boku-de-iru-kara-%25E3%2582%25AD%25E3%2583%259F%25E3%2581%25A0%25E3%2581%2591%25E3%2581%25AE%25E3%2583%259C%25E3%2582%25AF%25E3%2581%25A7%25E3%2581%2584%25E3%2582%258B%25E3%2581%258B%25E3%2582%2589%2F&t=MzlkMzQxOTllOTUzYWQxMWJlOGVjMGMxNzMxNWY4NGE3Y2JjZjc0NCxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_“I love you” maybe I still don’t understand_  
_anything, even those words_  
_but I ran headlong along a pitch dark road_  
_I miss you so much it’s tearing me apart_  
_but I’m blinded by my tears_  
_I still don’t understand anything_  
_The future I should have made with you_  
_suddenly faded, and since that day_  
_I can’t see anything at all_  
_But now, ah, I finally understand_

Analysis: I think this is one of the songs that breaks my heart the most, because he is singing about a future he never got to have, the one he love died before his time, and he feels robbed of their life together. 

12. [P.S. I Love You](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315111%2Flast-moon%2Fps-i-love-u%2F&t=MDg5NzI1MDg1YTVjMjM4YmQyZDA1ODNhMWVhNjU3ODgzY2I3YjlhYSxqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_To you, living in the present_  
_My encounter with you was everything to me_  
_I was so happy…_  
_But I am only a fragment_  
_of the life you will carve from now on_

Analysis: I TAKE IT BACK I think this might be the song that shatters my whole entire heart because this is a letter from the one he loves, this is not sung from Gackt’s perspective. This is sung from the perspective of the dead lover watching over him in heaven, begging him and giving him his blessing to move on. 

13.  [Setsugetsuka -The End of Silence- ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpopasia.com%2Fgackt%2Flyrics%2F315112%2Flast-moon%2Fsetsugetsuka-the-end-of-silence-%25E9%259B%25AA%25E6%259C%2588%25E8%258A%25B1-the-end-of-silence%2F&t=YzQ1YWRjOTBkMWMwNzIyNmNlNDU4Yjc1NjhiMDRhOTQ0Njk1NTQyZixqaGViVzVBQg%3D%3D&b=t%3AyNTFRef9yMmfN_JRSQs7vA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthe-freckled-feminist.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F172206843501%2Fthe-freckled-feminist-the-freckled-feminist-i&m=1)

_I kept singing, staining my breath red_  
_“In my dream this evening, thy image… ”_  
_The season you vanished is soon to end_  
_I’ll add up the tears and change them to powder snow to show you_  
_I can become snow to embrace you_  
_Dance, scattering the feelings that well up_  
_As much as I try to hide the wounds_  
_Somehow, the tears overflow_  
_Your smiling face has grown hazy, I can no longer see it_

Analysis: once again, and for the last time on this album, Gackt sings about cursing the heavens for taking his lover away, and promising to love them until he himself rots away. As the closing song on the album, it ends with a promise: that he will keep screaming at the sky, in order for his voice to reach the heavens. 

 **TL;DR:**  Gackt is still hopelessly in LOVE with Kami and it’s almost 20 years after his death. All I want to do is hug him and tell him things will be alright. 

##  **ANYWAY THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK**


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